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Feeling and thinking in Psalm 13:Things Lost

Feeling and thinking in Psalm 13:Things Lost


It is 9:07 and I have been avoiding typing this reaction to Psalm 13. First I tidied up the house a bit and sorted through my papers and scribbling calligraphy practice before I sat down at my computer. I hand wrote Psalm 13 and then took a break to put wash in the wash machine and chat with Lyssa. Then when I did the updates on my computer I stalled once again by sitting and sorting through a bunch of links of public domain art. The number 13 has associations of bad luck. I normally don’t give that sort of superstition any attention, but I wonder if it has its origins partially in this Psalm. I did not know I would find this so hard today until I began to write. Then I realised what was to be tackled in Feeling and Thinking, and I focused on the act of writing the ink, the paper the letters but didn’t think too much about the words until I hit verse three. Then I started to pray. Writing very open and honest reactions to the Bible comes with a glaring, obvious problem. No man is an island. I can write about myself. I can write about the people in the Bible or world events. But I do not feel free to write much about my friends, family, church situations or acquaintances. I think of Gary Chapman and his book The Five Love Languages. I don’t feel free to write such a book, because it is story after story of people Gary has met, counselled the stories of their lives. I can’t bring your story to others. I may know your story and it may be really important for people to hear it. But I don’t feel free to share it.
Psalm 13 feels full of stories of my pain, other people’s pain and deep struggle. In fact it feels like a daily prayer that I have prayed for at least 30 years. And the intensity and crescendo of my emotion does not seem to be at its climax with this prayer. I may be praying this prayer for you. I may have felt your pain so deeply that I am crying out to God, How long before you save _______.
I have been copying the Bible to social media for as long as it has existed. 

It is not a mindless exercise.

I think about the words. When I see memories of things I posted years ago I still feel the vibes of truth resonating through my thoughts, feelings and mind. I have written out the Psalms longhand for more than half a year, and I have found, selected, copied and pasted into my writing the words from the Bible countless times. But today it seems hard to do. I am still avoiding it. I find it painful. I am waiting emotionally. I know I am going to do it, but it will be an act of faith. It will be confrontational. And I don’t want to face it. But hope drives faith. I am rock solid in my confidence that God loves me. So verse 5 is gloriously true. No problem there. So here we go.

“Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.”

You cannot know, I cannot explain and I must live in hope and faith that the love of God will break through before it is too late.



The Apostle Paul, c. 1657 Rembrandt van Rijn 


My first choice today wasn’t the art above it was this work.


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Location: Belgium

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